Pain In The Ass

Hi Everyone, How are ya this Monday Morning?? I am really good. I went out to eat Saturday with a friend at an Italian restaurant and won 456.00 dollars playing Keno!! Sweet, rent for the next couple of weeks is on the state of Ma, thank you very much:) This is the second time in the past couple of months I have won 450.00 dollars on Keno at an Italian restaurant, and they say the Irish have all the luck LOL! Maybe I will have to do this once a week to support myself, I never heard from that job and there is nothing in the paper. It is making me a little nervous but I have faith something will come my way. I haven't asked anyone for a dime so far and I want to keep it that way. There are only three people I want to depend on and they are me, myself and I. When I came to at WATC my good friends Courtney and Renne filled me in on what I did because they came in with me at the same time. I was such an asshole to them and everyone around me. I am so grateful they were so forgiving and understanding. They saw the difference in me when I got off the meds and liked me and my sense of humor. What was weird was I found myself introducing myself to people that already knew me, that I was supposedly already friends with, but I did not remember them, very strange to know you were walking around for about two weeks in a total state of darkness. Renne, I miss you and you calling my name "Janet Gardner" with an English accent, I tried calling you but no luck getting a hold of you, so I don't know where you are, if you are reading this call me when you can. Courtney and I had a lot of laughs together as she taught me to be as cool as her at the age of 19 so when I went home I could talk her language to my son and lead him to believe I had totally changed like her in rehab, just to poke some fun at him. She even went as far as to teach me how to use my hands when I said "You Know" and how to dress like kids her age, Thanks Courtney I had a blast with you, hope your doing well, I miss you. Courtney and I loved this movie 28 days and watched it a couple of times. In the movie Sandra's Character and her sister lose their mother at an early age to Alcoholism. I can relate to Sandra's character so much, although I did not lose my mother physically, I really never had her mentally because she was already sick when I was born, so I had no chance at real mothering. My sister moved out by the age of 18, so I was left with my brothers who did always make me feel like a pain in the ass. I know now they are all here for me and love me no matter what, my sister is the best one any girl could have, but back then I learned to not ask for help because when I did it never came, so you learn to give up or not ask at all. Now I am humbled, and will ask for help when I need it so I don't build up resentment. I am adjusting to life here, my room has issues though, it is an old house, the first night here I asked the 94 yr old man for a light bulb for the one big light for the room and he said he would get one down the cellar, well I am still waiting today, maybe I should open the door down there and take a look, no, I better not! Now the sink is clogged and the toilet handle broke last night, I think I will just ask my son in law to stop over tonight, I don't want to bother the landlord because I am sure he is still looking for that light bulb!!! It is a good thing I was a Sociology major because people fascinate me as well as scare me. I got on the local Gatra Bus here and WOW!! there is a whole society within the bus itself, God forgive me and not that I am judging you see, I am simply observing :) Good justification huh! but they all are on a first name basis and they all have these free passes, and when one gets off the bus they gossip about them. One guy is a hard core drunk and he gets off at one place to drink and then gets picked up on the next time around, I know this because I took the wrong bus and had to go for a joy ride with everyone LMAO!! The Beach has become my sanctuary, I spend about an hour a day soaking up the sun to relax and unwind while I watch the kids play, so free and happy, it makes me happy. It also makes me happy I don't have to bring them home with me!! I have serious issues of trust though with strangers out in Public, I especially don't trust men because for the most part when they talk to you they have to always check you out up and down, seriously, it is creepy and I am pretty sure they always have the wrong motive. Maybe I should start doing it back and see how they react, how they like it, ah, wait a minute, never mind that thought LOL!! I hate being the new person in a meeting, you always feel eyes upon as you walk in. I just talk to the other women that I feel I can trust and my sponsor and that's it, I am OK being alone, no matter how lonely I get some days and feeling that only adds to my strength. The more time I spend with myself, the more I am finding myself. I want to get to the point of self reliance and truly knowing what I want from life and relationships. One bonus of going through a rehab here in Ma is after six months of sobriety Mass Rehab will pay fully for my college including my books and I plan on doing that so I will always be able to support myself. One Bonus when leaving WATC is they offer you your mug shot on the day you come in, I along with everyone else said, thanks, but no thanks, Whoa, who wants to remember that day?? I was able to find a clip on Youtube of my favorite scene from 28 days, Sandra's character sister comes to her after she finds her young roommate dead in the bathroom of an overdose. Remember even a pain in the ass needs someone to care about them even just a little bit, so do so if you know one, don't give up on them and walk away, they need you, even if they push you away at first. They need to learn trust like me and in the long run you will make a world of difference in their lives.
Have a Great Day,
Thanks for visiting my blog,
Love ya,
Janet :)

A little inspiration for you & me today :)