Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Detachment

Hello Everyone, I hope your doing well today. I joined a group therapy session with Em and a few other women yesterday. I am so glad I did. I met a woman who likes to walk the Plymouth Ma Waterfront too, so maybe I'll get out of my cellar where my treadmill is and enjoy walking there again, when the New England weather allows me too that is LOL! I appreciate being around other women who are real, down to earth. Women I can talk too that truly have an understanding of what I am going through, because they are there to work on themselves and their relationships as well. No judgments, no facades, which is so freeing from certain people I use to consider friends. I know, now more than ever, the true meaning of friendship looking back. My girlfriends growing up were so compassionate, loved me despite my faults. I just can't seem to find that now. I wish I had stayed in touch with them more now, but I settled down before them and life just took us on different paths. So today I find myself asking is it me, or is the world just becoming more narcissistic, because as hard as I try I can't seem to find those special friends I use to have growing up. I know I have my faults, but I'm really not that bad, even when I was at my worst. I mean did I have to spell it out, I was in need of a friend, not an enemy, but as they say, it is what it is. So I am just letting it go now, learning to detach from expectations and painful memories. Now I appreciate even more that I have a big family and have that unconditional love from each and everyone of them. My siblings and I learned unconditional love early on with my mother and her illness. It was simple Humanity 101, although your mother is not June Clever,(RIP), she was still our mother and we loved her, not matter what, and as time went on, and things got better, we reaped the rewards of having that humanity towards her because to know her was to love her. So every day, more and more, I am detaching myself from the people and things that have hurt me. I will no longer allow them to have power over me, rent space in my head, and make me feel bad about myself, as I have allowed them too the past year. I will change the way I reacted to all of my situations in life. I am going to continue to focus on myself here and now, accept calmly whatever happens so I can truly enjoy inner balance and peace. I will keep the faith too that a new friendship like the old ones will come my way again. Today my blogs hit an all time high for visitors, about 200. I found these stat's thanks to entrecard. My sitemeter missed about 80 of them!! If any of you out there know of a better meter for your blog or website please let me know. I even paid for the upgrade and that is the service I get?? So a very special Thank you to everyone, I really appreciate all your visits.
Thank you for visiting my blog,
Love ya,
Janet :)

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Detachment and Being Detached
By Remez Sasson

Detachment is an inner state of calmness and being uninvolved on the emotional and mental planes. It is definitely not indifference. People who are indifferent do not care about anything, and are not active and initiative. On the other hand, people who possess emotional and mental detachment can be very active and caring, though they accept calmly whatever happens. Such people accept the good and the bad equally, because they enjoy inner balance and peace.

If they cannot do or change something, it does not disturb their peace of mind. If they are convinced of the importance of some action, they will pursue it whole-heartedly, and can ignore distractions easily. If they succeed with what they do, that is fine, and if they don't, they will either try again or forget the matter and move to something else.

Count the number of times you got emotionally involved in something against your will and better judgment. How many times have you got angry, frustrated or disappointed? How many times have your moods swung high and low? Each time you tell yourself that next time you will stay cool and calm, and yet each time you forget what you said.

When it comes to personal affairs, it is hard to stay emotionally uninvolved. You get involved, and this is quite natural, otherwise life would have been boring. Involvement makes life ticking and active. Yet, it advisable to develop at least some detachment, as this will help you in many situations.

Detachment is important in daily life, in the pursuit of ambitions and on the spiritual path. It is of great importance to everyone, whether pursuing spirituality or material success. Every spiritual tradition speaks about detachment, but detachment cannot be confined only to spirituality.

Let me give you some examples of detachment. Suppose you meditate, but thoughts keep coming into your mind. You get emotionally involved with your thoughts, follow them and forget about your meditation and concentration. If you were able to manifest detachment it would have been easier to ignore the disturbing thoughts. Detachment would have helped you to stay collected and concentrated.

What happens when somebody says to you something that you do not like? You will probably become angry, unhappy or insulted. Why is this so? Because you value other's people words and opinions more than you value your own thoughts and opinions of yourself. You let other's people thoughts, words and actions influence your happiness, actions and reactions. Your happiness and actions depend on them.

On the other hand, if you are able to stay detached, you will not be disturbed. You will stay calm. You will even be able to benefit from what they say. You will not waste hours thinking about their words.

Have you ever thought how much time and energy is wasted every day brooding on useless thoughts and feelings because of the lack of detachment? Much of the anger, frustration, unhappiness, disappointments and fights are due to lack of detachment.

One of the ways to develop detachment is through meditation. It is a gradual and automatic process. In meditation one endeavors not to follow the thoughts and feelings that rise. It is a time of a mental and emotional vacation. Meditating day after day develops the habit of staying cool and calm, not only during meditation, but also in all daily life.

If you practice any kind of meditation, sooner or later you will start to experience detachment. You will find that you feel and behave in a different way under circumstances that previously raised anger or agitation. You will find that you handle your daily affairs of life in a calm and relaxed way.

Real detachment means inner strength, and the ability to function calmly and with full inner control under all circumstances. A detached person is not harassed and hurried, and can do everything with concentration and attention, thus insuring a successful outcome of his actions.

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